Breaking the Rules

I did something today that I don’t normally do. I went shopping. To the mall. And I didn’t go with any particular purchase in mind, wasn’t rushing to find a certain top or a new pair of jeans. I was just there to look at clothes that are too expensive for me and would serve no purpose in my current life.

It felt fun. And that was the point.

I went shopping because I’m trying to feel more adult, and part of feeling like an adult for me means dressing like one. My current work uniform, though very comfortable, makes me think of a camp counselor (I wonder why), a golf caddy, or a lifeguard. I feel juvenile in a t-shirt or polo and jeans. My uniform is suitable to the tasks required, perfectly appropriate, inexpensive and easy to launder, but it doesn’t make me feel like an adult. So work’s out.

So lately (as in the second half of this week after I figured this out), I’ve been trying to step it up in my outside life to look more adult. Earrings and necklaces with the work uniform. Flats instead of sneakers. A nice shirt when I’m not on the clock. I don’t know if it is working yet.

I liked how I looked in the dressing room mirrors, wearing black slacks and a pretty blouse. I liked imagining that I could look like this everyday, like these clothes could have a purpose in my life if I had a different job, if I pushed ahead. And to be honest, I was expecting the things I tried on to be pricier.

I didn’t buy anything because there’s no point right now, but it was fun to look. It was fun to feel the different fabrics besides denim and jersey. I’m trying to have more fun right now too, in addition to trying to feel more like an adult.

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