That Clinking Clanking Sound

I am rolling in dough right now. I’m feeling flush. On Monday, my California tax refund arrived. On Tuesday, my federal tax refund arrived, and today I got paid. I have more money than I have had in a long time, longer than I would care to admit here. It feels great to have money, as Captain Obvious once said. Of course, I want to spend it immediately.

Before my tax refund was sitting so prettily in my bank account, I was sure that I wanted to use all $900 of it towards my car. That would be a hefty drop toward what I owe, and that would feel great. As a treat, I thought I might subscribe to Poetry or The Believer, a gift to myself that would keep on giving. But, now that I have it, I have other ideas, like adding it to my emergency fund, which might actually make it a worthwhile pile of money, instead of a barely existent idea. And sure, as soon as I saw that the money was there (and breathed a huge sigh of relief that I’d entered the correct routing and bank information), I looked at glasses and clothes, and thought about things that I want, but actually can’t afford based on my actual income in months that do not include tax refunds.

I am trying extremely hard not to see this money as a windfall or a lucky fluke. I am trying to see the money as a tool for my goals, the way that fire is a tool, not just an opportunity to burn a hole in my pocket. I am trying very hard not to overspend on small things this month (like lunch today or drinking this weekend) just because I am a little lightheaded from the extra numbers in my accounts.

I think that I will end up using some percentage to pay extra toward my car, the rest into savings, and if, if, I can get through the rest of the month without spending above my regular income, then a nice subscription to Poetry.

One comment

  1. Congratulations–I recall these were your first time through the refund process on your own. More rungs on the ladder to handling your financial affairs achieved. You did some good thinking with your budgeting plans about last October, I think, when you adopted a percentage approach to dealing with debt. Check out some of your earlier blogs–will help you make decisions that will be satisfying over time.

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