I am rolling in dough right now. I’m feeling flush. On Monday, my California tax refund arrived. On Tuesday, my federal tax refund arrived, and today I got paid. I have more money than I have had in a long time, longer than I would care to admit here. It feels great to have money, as Captain Obvious once said. Of course, I want to spend it immediately.
Before my tax refund was sitting so prettily in my bank account, I was sure that I wanted to use all $900 of it towards my car. That would be a hefty drop toward what I owe, and that would feel great. As a treat, I thought I might subscribe to Poetry or The Believer, a gift to myself that would keep on giving. But, now that I have it, I have other ideas, like adding it to my emergency fund, which might actually make it a worthwhile pile of money, instead of a barely existent idea. And sure, as soon as I saw that the money was there (and breathed a huge sigh of relief that I’d entered the correct routing and bank information), I looked at glasses and clothes, and thought about things that I want, but actually can’t afford based on my actual income in months that do not include tax refunds.
I am trying extremely hard not to see this money as a windfall or a lucky fluke. I am trying to see the money as a tool for my goals, the way that fire is a tool, not just an opportunity to burn a hole in my pocket. I am trying very hard not to overspend on small things this month (like lunch today or drinking this weekend) just because I am a little lightheaded from the extra numbers in my accounts.
I think that I will end up using some percentage to pay extra toward my car, the rest into savings, and if, if, I can get through the rest of the month without spending above my regular income, then a nice subscription to Poetry.