I’ve been in a particularly complain-y mood lately, and I can blame it on a lot of things, but I’m choosing to blame it on “stress.” What kind of stress could a semi-employed twenty-something possibly experience since it’s not like she has real job responsibilities to worry about? Well, having a brain that thinks thoughts like the last one is a pretty big stressor.
When I get stressed out (which is like every day lately), I send cryptic texts to my Boyfriend. He says they’re cryptic. I don’t know how it is possibly to interpret “everything is awful” in any other way except that everything is awful, but perhaps he means that my messages are hyperbolic instead of cryptic. Tomato tomahto. But he’s asked me to stop sending hyperbolic, cryptic texts in the middle of the day since there’s nothing he can really do about it, and he’s not sure what specifically I am upset about when I say “everything.” So I’m trying.
And today as I was driving to a school one exit before Mexico, I had a pretty important realization. I realized I need to stop complaining about things and start changing them. Upset about how much work I am doing for the Side-hustle versus what I am getting paid? Talk to them about it or stop doing it. Annoyed because I haven’t been writing lately? Stop doing things and write. I had one of those “it’s all in my power” moments, and I felt a little better.
Sure, that was immediately followed by the realization that tomorrow is Thursday and I will be leaving home at 7:30 a.m., not likely to return until 9 p.m. and how is that possible given that I am only partially employed?!
All I want to do right now is be home and be by myself and work on my own stuff. So if that is the case, I need to plan for that. I’m skipping book club tonight. I’m avoiding plans for Friday.