I feel my feels about work and they are not great.

My uncle would say good. He always says good, regardless of the actual state of work. Maybe for him, it is always so. But lately, I’ve been feeling antsy. Today, I might even have been a little bored.

It’s hard to express this clearly. I like my job. I enjoy what I do and I love spending time with the girls. That’s not the boring part. But even though I like these things, the rest of it (what little rest of it there is in a part time job) bores me. The driving, the paperwork, even just the procedures, I’m bored. There’s nothing to change, nothing to grow.

As an example, recently I took on some additional responsibility at work, and after doing it for a few days, I thought, “is that all?” Sure, I can definitely hone my technique, but certain people had made it sound much more complicated than it really seems. I’m a little confused why everyone in the office isn’t trained to do it. This may be why I am not a supervisor.

And in other, less paid work, I am a little antsy with some of the contract things I am doing for another company. It’s pretty limited work, and extremely limited pay, and I wonder whether it’s worth it. Am I getting anything out of this experience anymore?

The easy and hard answer is, you get out what you put in, and that goes for my main job and my side gig. Boredom is a choice; at least, that’s what I’ve been told. But I’m antsy and I’m anxious for something more. I feel a little bit like I’m back in middle school, at parent teacher conferences, talking with my dad and my science teacher about what things I can be doing to stretch myself that aren’t just busy work. Except then, I was met with encouragement and projects, and right now, I feel like I’ve been given pretty clear (though not explicit) instructions to cool my jets. I’m not the jet-cooling type. I need somewhere for this energy to go.

I don’t have an answer to these feelings yet, but they make me feel like I am not really cut out for employment. I’m cut out for entertaining myself. Now I need to figure out a way to make money at that.

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