I am constantly creating new plans for self-improvement. The waking up at 5 and writing for two hours plan, which busted after two days. The write poetry, blog, and exercise everyday, which has been more of a long term success, with a few slip-ups and fudges. The no sugar pledge, which has failed miserably this month (It takes all of my willpower right now not to walk across the street and get a donut or a $5 plate of 30 cookies or even just a Cliff Bar, but I will get through the withdrawals). I’m all about the plans, the hustle. I like it.
This morning I did not wake up at 5. I did not go sell plasma for the second day in a row (I will go tomorrow… or the next day maybe). I was gearing up for a guilt-trip once I finally did crawl out of bed around 9, but instead I just stopped.
In that pause, I thought about how fleeting my current situation may be. I do not think that I am long for part-time employment; in fact, I’m fairly certain that I’m on my way out of it. So these leisurely weekday mornings are numbered. Am I going to squander all of them being grouchy at myself? Or can I figure out a way to hustle on the money front (like, maybe when I’m actually at work around the big wigs?) and still let myself enjoy my time?
So this is my strategy so far: this part-time employment is not going to last forever. In fact, I’m not sure how much longer I have to enjoy these late mornings, so I’m going to treat them like mini-vacations. Sure, I might still get up super early and get a bunch done (I do that on vacation), but if I stay in bed instead, so be it.
What I am going to try to avoid: vegging on the internet in the mornings. This is not a good use of my funemployment (Nerd Alert!) and when I look back on this period of my life, I want to be able to remember something worthwhile. I want to look back on my part-time period and say, “yeah, I was underemployed and broke, but man, I read a lot of books.” Or “yeah, I was underemployed and stressed out regularly, but I produced a lot of work.” Or “yeah, I was underemployed and broke, but I also got to enjoy the morning light in my apartment each day (seriously, the light in our apartment is highly underrated).”
I suppose no one wants to look back on part of their life with regret, so this is no surprise. I hope that I can appreciate the free time I have right now, while still looking forward to its eventual end.